The Terrible Reptilian Tail
By the time the authorities found me, at about seven o’clock eastern time last thursday, my vicious reptilian tail had grown to over eight feet in height and my life appeared to have veered onto the wrong path.
I had first noticed the awful thing in the shower that morning. At that point it was only a couple feet tall, a foot too short to warrant real panic, and I was late for work so I wrapped it around my abdomen and methodically ignored the freakish growth.
On my beloved F train later that afternoon the situation combusted into disaster as the delicate wrapping of the morning fell victim to the cruel unconscionable progress commonly associated with growing reptilian tails. My pants had ripped. The monstrosity had grown two more feet and had begun to lift itself. Fortunate was I that the train was crowded and I was able to avoid the ruthless name-calling of unsupervised children.
I rushed home careful not to be seen. My now five foot reptilian tail bobbing along behind me. Several of the neighborhood dogs barked in my presence, but this was not something out of the ordinary and its mentioning lacks relevance in this story.
to be continued…
