Overheard at the UN
Translated from German:
Kara did not die from suffocating you guys. She snapped her neck.
How do you explain the choking sounds, Todd?
When the zombie pulled from the car, the force of the moving car pulled her in the other direction.
Yeah but she had already choked to death from the rope!
Translated from Czech:
Yeah it was like a brothel, but you could snort coke off of any girl you want.
I call bullshit.
I second that.
Ten Euros says this fool didn’t even step out of his hotel.
I did too! And I was getting real hot and heavy with this local beauty. She had tits the size of Manhattan.
What kind of comparison is that?
Anton, just talk about how you read the Economist with your shoes off while sipping on some Earl Grey. That’s more believable. Tool.
English:
Excuse me sir you left your wallet on the ground!
That’s no wallet. That’s a bomb.
Beat.
Laughs.
Woo! You got me there!
Just keeping you on your toes. You know which way to Ban Ki-Moon’s office?
Oh 54th floor. Heyy wait a minute, you’re not going to—
Murder him?
Beat. Laughs again.
Hey you’re alright man. Me and the boys are getting a couple drinks you want in?
Yeah sure, after I murder him.
Translated from Japanese:
Guys, do you just want to call it a day and go ICE SKATING AT ROCKEFELLER CENTER?
YES! (cue Any way you want it by Journey)
Translated from Igbo:
Yeah it’s called sexting.
I could never get too personal over the phone. Face to face, I’m all about it.
Yeah, but it’s cool, because your girl hits you up on your way home with all the dirty things she wants to do, and it really gets you going.
Still, they’re just letters on a phone. It doesn’t mean anything when I read dirty thoughts.
Really?
A Conversation between Ban Ki-Moon and White House Liasons Albert Schweiss and Margaret Hainford:
Hey do you guys remember Roos?
You mean like the shoe?
Yeah… I’d kill to wear those to work just for once.
Me too. Me too.
