Depressed Depression
WARNING: THIS SKETCH DOES NOT NECESSARILY MAKE SENSE
Inside a psychiatrist’s office
DOCTOR: Hello! You must be Hal. My name is Doctor Wilson. I’ll be standing in for your regular psychiatrist today. Have a seat.
HAL: Hi, thanks.
DOCTOR: Well, let’s just get right to it. Shall we?
HAL: Doctor Wilson, I’m completely and totally depressed.
DOCTOR: Mm hm…and tell me Hal, how does this make you feel?
HAL: How does…it make me feel?
DOCTOR: Yes.
HAL: How does being depressed make me feel? Isn’t that a feeling?
DOCTOR: But of course…but that fact that you are depressed: how does that make you feel?
HAL: I’m not sure I understand…
DOCTOR: Is it exhilarating? Frightening? Are you happy to be depressed? Are you suspicious? Does your depression make you feel special?
HAL: Um…I’d say it makes me feel depressed…and lonely…and sad all the time…
DOCTOR: I see…
The doctor writes a few notes.
HAL: I don’t exactly follow what-
DOCTOR: You see, Hal. Your problem doesn’t appear to be the depression itself. You seem to be a naturally depressed guy. With the dissolution of your marriage and your long stretch of unemployment, depression is only to be expected.
HAL: And this is supposed to help me, what you’re saying!?
DOCTOR: Your problem simply appears to be your general attitude toward your depression. Try gaining a little perspective. You’re horribly melancholy all the time, yes. But you could try being happy about it, for a change! You could even choose to feel aroused by your depression, Hal. It is truly your choice. But to feel depressed by your depression, that’s truly a banal choice rooted in nothing more that a lack of creativity!
HAL: I don’t follow.
DOCTOR: For example, this very moment I am high. Yes, being high could make me feel high, but that would be too easy (not unlike your depressed depression). Instead, being high makes me feel like a credible psychiatrist. It’s all about how your state of being makes you feel, you see— Hal? Hal??? Where did that damned talking tomato man make off to???
